Written in the Stars?

A few years ago a close friend of mine would ask me about the women he was interested in and then when I gave him the information he asked for (both the smooth and challenging matters at hand) take issue with any incompatibilities between their charts. “I refuse to believe that this is just how it is!” he would claim indignantly, “We have free will, you can’t tell me that these ‘problems’ are just the way it is!”

We all do this; I know that personally I too feel this way when it is someone I really like.  I will happily justify an aspect between our charts that I would warn any client will be highly challenging.  But the question remains…is it written?  

If we have a basic incompatibility between our chart and that of another person, is there nothing we can do about it, can’t we just make it work?

On an individual level, aspects represent energy between planets in our chart – our own personal constellation.   There are energies that flow more readily, and energies that create a certain amount of friction.  In synastry  (which describes the effect you and your partner have on each other) our chart meets another’s personal constellation, and where they line up we are sensitive, receptive to that person and they are to us as well.  We literally energetically resonate -magnetic attraction at its’ core!

While these aspects represent the initial energy that pulls us together, underneath the attraction there are deeper things at play. The energies or aspects, between our charts are telling. 

Here is one example; let’s say your moon, the part of you that yearns for security, filters your emotions, represents what you need and hunger for on a primal level, is in a hard (challenging) aspect to someone’s mars – the part of the chart that deals with how you assert yourself, take action and express anger.   

The good news is there are sparks…big ones!

The challenging news is this is similar to a cross-cultural difference in relating to the world.   It is as though these two planets, both personal planets (meaning we feel them personally), speak completely different languages and come from different worlds: One modern American English and the other ancient Chinese. The cultures have vastly different ways of interacting with the world, different needs and different ways of expressing those needs.

What this means in a relationship is that you often just misperceive each other. They do something (mars) and you feel hurt (moon) by their action as though they have completely disregarded your needs. They feel you are being overly sensitive, they didn’t intend to hurt you.

In the early days of a relationship, while we are experiencing what I call the delightful hormone high, we don’t care.  We are just having too much juicy fun.  Then, little by little, the dust settles.  

A client of mine had this particular aspect between her chart and the chart of her new boyfriend.  I gave her this information and three weeks later she called to inform me that I was completely wrong – he was the kindest most sensitive man she had ever been with.  I told her to get back to me in six months.  Sure enough, this pattern of interaction between them had become one of the hallmarks of their relationship.  He did something; she was hurt.  This could be as simple as he wanted to watch television at the end of his workday, she felt like he was ignoring her and didn’t care.

Is this a death knell for a relationship?  No, but the people involved will have to work at it harder than they would with a flowing aspect.  This dynamic between the two will always be at play.  Successfully navigating it requires a certain amount of awareness.  These so-called “hard” aspects provide a lot of juice that feeds the attraction but also bestow a certain amount of volatility.  

From a larger perspective – we are all here evolving.  The energy between us that is so mesmerizing pushes us to grow in ways that our soul yearns for – often beyond current boundaries into new and uncharted territory. The trajectory of our lives in this moment is providing us the opportunity to become more conscious in the area of our life being activated in by the energy of the other person. 

In any relationship there will be times we are better at it.  I firmly believe that anyone we are powerfully drawn to, whether as a friend or something more, has arrived for a reason at that point in our lives.  Our job is to cherish the possibility and promise at hand without being attached to the outcome.  Kismet in motion;)

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